Step 1: Agree to take their test while too damn happy and slightly drunk to take said test seriously.
Step 2: Call them and their test out as what they are, a scam to get you to buy their stupid scientology book.
Step 3: And this is an important one, call one an asshole.
Ok, this is what went down.
My friend and I were out having a few drinks, celebrating my return to the city. We went down into the subway station to go to our respective apartments when my friend decides to sit down to one of those free stress tests that the Scientologists offer. Honestly I never really noticed they were Scientologists before. Anyway so I am waiting patiently as another Scientologist comes up to me and tries to persuade me to take a test, saying I could disrupt my friend's test being there. So FINE. I go and sit down and listen to the guy ask me questions about my stress and watch him fiddle with a dial to move the meter. Soon enough my friend is over to me, having figured out the scam moments before. So we're kind of giving the guy testing me a hard time, not being mean, just having some fun with him, when this other Scientologist walks over and starts harassing me, calling me fake and just being undeniably rude. I mean these people are taking stress tests in the subway. And they're Scientologists!! with tables of some science fiction novel they're literally trying to sell off as the new Bible. As if the old one was bad enough...for free!! Do they really expect people to take them seriously. So now this guy is trying to tell me off and I'm not really having it and my friend and I are telling off anyone that starts shit with us and then I call this guy an asshole and he comes right over to me and asks me what I just said. So I repeat it for him. And then he puts his hands on me. And I remove them, and tell him not to fucking touch me. And he puts his grubby little alien worshipping hands on me again, and I toss my tin plate of food, remove his hands again and reiterate that he shouldn't put his fucking hands on me. Then suddenly the police were breaking shit up and as soon as I explained what happened they went after the guy and we walked the other way. I'm guessing this has happened before. And...that's my story.
I regret two things. I wished I had called him Tom Cruise. I wished I had suggested he take his own stress test. OK, I regret not breaking his nose a little, but I would have ended up in jail had I done that.
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4 comments:
What a terrific way to waste someone's time (and yours.)
If you don't want to take the test, and you're not interested in Scientology, another option might be: "hey thanks, Man, but I'm good."
That poor schlob you mercilessly made fun of is sincerely trying to do something good. Even if you disagree with it, live and let live man.
I know the English language is sometimes a bit subtle, but "persuade" implies resistance, otherwise why would the one person have to urge the other into a situation. I told the guy I wasn't interested.
There was simply no need for this other Scientologist guy who was not even involved in my test to angrily approach and insult me, because I wasn't taking his test seriously. I can be a skeptic all I want, especially if I am coerced into the test as I stated originally.
Just as you have the option of skipping over my blog or making a comment to provoke my wrath you Communist scum!
Just kidding, I love Communists.
I'm pretty sure that when you're part of a group of people that's trying to scam others into your religion in public area- you leave yourself pretty open to criticism.
I mean, I'm all for live and let live too- but if your trade could be construed as "an open air market for moral deception" and you don't like being called an asshole every now and again, maybe you're in the wrong line of work.
The "trying to do good" defense only goes so far.
That's just it! They weren't "trying to do good".
They were "trying to sell books".
I know - I was there. I saw the melee first hand.
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